God Is In My Life

Two years ago, mortality hit me between the eyes. Tom was diagnosed with cancer. In my gut, death was not an issue of if but when. I was in shock. How can this be? God has given me this wonderful man that not only loves me but also shares my love of God. He puts God first and me not far behind, putting himself last. He spoils me.

How can God let this happen to us? We haven’t had enough time together yet! I mentally wrung my hands in anguish, fear and self pity. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t sleep. I quietly laid there in the moonlight with tears wetting my pillow. I wanted to be quiet so as not to wake Tom, while Tom was lying quiet so as not to wake me. All sorts of life scenarios without Tom ran through my head, scarring me more and more. They had to stop and I couldn’t stop them.

The only thing left for me to do was to pray. After several nights of complaining to God and begging for a cure, I came to a place where all I could do was thank God.Thank Him for Tom coming into my life for however long we may have, for family and friends that give us such wonderful support, for caring knowledgeable doctors and nurses and for the many many blessings God has given us. I thanked God and gave it all back to Him because I couldn’t manage any of it.

That is when I could sleep again. That is when I could stop obsessing on our illness day and night. That is when life once again became sweet. God has done a marvelous job of managing everything! A new drug has been developed that has stopped the growth of the cancer. We pray it will continue to work so well. We now go on living our lives with God’s help. Death is still a matter of when not if, but that’s true for all of us! Only God knows.

Judy McDonald

Aug, 2006